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darkchoc
Monday, October 14, 2002
Oh dear! Posted the wrong thing on the wrong blog. Anyway, here is what I wanted to say in THIS space...
"Bee grimaced at her sideways and Ana felt herself die a little inside. She never knew what to say to Bee. That was the trouble. She was always worried she was going to say something stupid or embarrassing. So she usually ended up saying nothing at all - which was bad, because then Bee just thought she was an illiterate cretin."
Quoted from 'One Hit Wonder' by Lisa Jewell
This particular paragraph jumped out at me whilst I was reading the book because it accurately summarises how I feel whenever I'm in a social situation. Lately, I have had the good fortune of meeting several new people. But unlike what Yanshan thinks, I have NOT been networking. I try to but usually I become so shy and tongue-tied around these people that they don't have a good impression of me. I'm lucky if they think I can form a coherent sentence at all!
There's a saying that goes: "Better to be thought of as a fool, than open your mouth and confirm it." I live by this maxim, which might explain why I'm usually not the talkative sort. For example, when I meet people in my age group, I tend to feel that I'm not 'cool' or 'happening' enough. (Gawd, did I just use the words cool and happening? Arggh, how backdated is my lingo?!?) So I usually keep silent before anyone realises what an utter nerd I am. And when I'm with adults (definition: age 35+), I feel like a boring, stupid and suaku little girl with the social graces of a monkey. Adults always tell the most interesting anecdotes, but since I've not experienced enough of this world, I don't have any stories to share. And the more I try to find something intelligent to say, the more I'm lost for words. So all I ever do is grin (almost maniacally) whilst frantically nodding my head, all the while looking like an escaped mental patient.
And YOU, the one reading this right now, YOU who I've been friends with for a few years, YOU give me social anxiety too. I know its strange, but I can't help it. So the next time we're alone together and I'm very, very quiet, don't think that I'm stoning or that I don't want to talk to you. It's just that I'm nervous as hell and unsure of what to say. So just keep talking, I'm much better at listening (I hope).
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